Brave enough, after all

Prologue: I am no longer on partial sick leave. I am considered well and am back to work 100%! I have new tasks but am the master of my day, even though my work calendar has never been as full as it is now! 

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Now: I was tasked with teaching some part-time workers about what a beta tester does at work, the temporary position I was in for over 18 months while on partial sick leave. And having not ever done this before, I was easily driving myself crazy. Eventually, after trying to plan the lesson and more or less succeeding, I got to a point where I started to settle down. Where I realized that it was hard to know if I was doing this right because it had never been done before. There is no measure for success for this yet.  

It started with a couple of things: A visit to my doctor's where I realized that "Trust, not doubt" (in Norwegian: "Tillit, ikke tvil") was my new mantra or motto. That was followed by an instruction from an online course that read, "Breathe in the words 'I choose ease'; breathe out 'I release.'" 

I tried. I tried to calm the monkey brain, the atoms of fear that insist on making up my molecules. I ended up bringing the one anti-anxiety "drug" I have to work: A Bach flower remedy (Aspen).  

 At some point, a part of me realized that I had done enough. Still, I had almost too many butterflies leading up to the day I was supposed to have the actual class. Today was the day for the class. 

 A friend on Facebook posted this: 

—Jon Acuff on Twitter

—Jon Acuff on Twitter

 

What a wonderful message on today of all days! 

During a morning team meeting another inspiring and apropos thing happened: We were discussing how to handle changes and new technology, when a co-worker quoted Pippi Longstocking, a character from Astrid Lindgren's children book: "I've never done that before so I'm sure I'll be able to do it." 

What totally different approaches to the new and unknown! Instead of fearing failure, why not either embrace it or just assume it won't even happen? 

This afternoon I found my two students and started our two-hour lesson with "Be brave enough to be bad at something new"—a message they needed, too, since what I was about to teach them was totally unknown to them. It lightened the mood and gave us a good start. 

We ended up having a good session, and I have two co-workers who are eager to try out their new skills.  

Epilogue: As I sum up my day, which ended on a wonderful high note—no failures!—I have to take a moment to be grateful for the guidance I got. Thank you, Universe!  

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Grumpy got hugs

Grumpy

Grumpy

So, as usual, I am Mercurial and go up and down more than a rollercoaster. After a great day yesterday—which I realize now may have taken more out of me than I thought, with all that talking to the psychologist—I ended up grumpy today. Total raincloud-right-over-my-head grumpy.

At the end of the day, a co-worker caught up with me and I admitted I was frustrated, annoyed, and feeling grouchy. Whereupon she gave me a proper, squishy, ribcage-melding bear hug. In fact, such a good and helpful hug we both started to tear up. 

Now, that is some serious hugging!

And yes, it did chase the proverbial raincloud away.

PS: My favorite dwarf was Grumpy because I related best to him. Still do.

PPS: WordPress is rolling out a new blog editor called Gutenberg and it's, uhm, well, at times raincloud-inducing. :-D

September blessings

This is basically a list, a gratitude list. Because in the midst of nearly feeling overwhelmed by everything going on in September, I have discovered something: People helping me.

  • The tradesman doing the tiling, also closed off the door to my bedroom and left the bedroom side looking very nice

  • The same tradesman also washed the lobby floor in my building for me, unasked, to get rid of the concrete dust

  • A couple of good friends lent me a key to their house, and let me come and go when I didn't have a toilet at home

  • The reflexologist I'm now seeing for my frozen shoulder, is giving me appointments outside her regular office hours, I've discovered

  • I'm ahead on my self-study course in insurance so I don't have to worry about keeping up

  • Another friend reminded me that I'm allowed to get all excited about my own creativity and seeing it come to life. I'd forgotten that grown-ups are allowed to jump up and down with joy. (See pic.)

  • And somebody helped my mom get a nice and cheaper place this month when she got a rent hike that was a bit too much.

Tiling in renovated bathroom

Tiling in renovated bathroom

All in all, I'm feeling a lot better, and even loved. Now, here's a picture of my nearly-finished bathroom, with the floor I designed.