Well, that wasn't what I thought I bought

So I ended up thinking another site provider was cheaper because I can't math after all, but the deed is done. I am leaving the host I've had for 5 years (that hosts this blog) and headed for a new one once the domain transfer is complete.

PuterProbsBitmoji.png

Here's a Luddite for you: I miss FTP. I miss writing pages and having a website and just uploading stuff. I sort of did that here, but it never became second nature. And sometimes, when I look at my old Blogger blog, I… miss it. It was easier. I just wrote. I had more fun playing with the look of it, too. I understood the technical behinds-the-scene stuff better. Perhaps because I could actually see it.

I am in the same situation as a car mechanic. "I remember when you looked at an engine by popping the hood. Now it's all electronics and looking at a screen." Yeah, some things are more "user friendly", but I am frustrated by not being allowed to actually pop the hood.

Anyway, today's mistake means learning about another webhost, my blog/site getting a different look, and hopefully, me having a whale of a time tweaking and poking around and having some fun because I do like that stuff.

As I write this I realize something: I'm finally getting used to Wordpress. Only took me 5 years. :-D

Lisa's Eleven

A little musing and sharing via eleven questions thought up by Lisa and found via Paula.

1) Socks? Love them or hate them?

— I have cold feet. Socks, please, and they have to cover my ankles. I've chosen to get different patterns and stuff, inspired by a co-worker wearing a pair of bright orange ones. That's when I realized that colorful socks are important. IMPORTANT. Nobody ever sees mine since I wear bootlets at work.

Handknitted socks a co-worker made for Secret Santa. And I won them! They keep my feet toasty in rubber boots

Handknitted socks a co-worker made for Secret Santa. And I won them! They keep my feet toasty in rubber boots

2) Is there a God?

— Paula starts off with "I wonder why peeps are so obsessed with this question." Since I have constantly asked myself this question, I don't find the obsession weird.

The answer is yes, by the way.

The real question is: What is God?

3) Is a pizza a pizza without cheese?

I like Paula's answer (must have cheese!), but since pizza is one of those incredibly flexible dishes, it can also lack cheese. I mean, I still remember how upset I was when Mexican pizza became a thing (blasphemy!!!) but they do taste good so I gave up caring.

4) What’s your favorite book and why?

For the longest time my favorite was "Illusions" by Richard Bach. I've outgrown it now, but I still have two copies. Favorite book does not equal most used, however. In that category I could put my ephemeris because of my astrology interest and Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" because of the affirmations for everything that ails a body. If I have to bring just one book to a deserted island, it'll be an illustrated, unabridged encyclopedia.

5) Do aliens exist or are we floating around in space all alone?

Both. Maybe we're the Mt. Everest of the universe and only the most daring make it for a visit. That's why it looks empty in this neighborhood.

6) Do you still have the teddy you slept with as a child?

I never had a teddy bear. Don't actually like them. Anything with eyes tended to bother me as a kid and still does. The only stuffed animal I remember having was a yellowish snake I named Oscar. I don't have Oscar any more (moving countries tends to leave stuff behind) but I actually still kind of miss him. I didn't sleep with the snake or any other stuffed toys at all. I had a calico cat who would fall asleep under my chin and move after I'd fallen asleep.

7) Brussel sprouts? Yes or no?

Fresh ones, gently boiled, are actually almost sweet in taste, so yes to that!

8) Christmas? Do you love it or hate it?

I'm not Christmassy in that my home turns into Santa's workshop, but I love the lights because it gets dark early where I live so anything cheering is a plus. It's also the only time of year I turn into a romantic, indulging and overindulging in sappy movies with happy endings and a bit (or a lot) of Santa magic. In Norway, we get a bit of time off so people are pretty chill between Christmas and New Year which is nice after the hectic preparations before Christmas. And the solstice means the days have stopped getting shorter! Whee!

Christmas tree at Håkonshallen with the Norwegian tradition of white lights only

Christmas tree at Håkonshallen with the Norwegian tradition of white lights only

9) What’s sexier – a beaming smile or thigh high boots?

Both are sexy, but I'd only stay for the smile.

10) If you were stuck with one view for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Either the smile from question 9 or nature. I have to have a tree or something that attracts bird. Ideally also a mountain or body of water. Actually, I want to see the sky, to see sunsets.

11) Which do you prefer? Spring or Autumn?

Autumn. The stars come back (because the nights get darker), the air gets crisp, and I get to wear sweaters again! Spring in Norway is just stressful for me: Too many people outside doing things that stink (painting houses, barbecuing).

Autumn also has frosting

Autumn also has frosting

Feel free to take on these questions for yourself!

Expecting

In my ongoing journey to figure myself and life and all that stuff out, I’m now trying to learn about non-attachment. Attachment = expectation. In “The Shack”, they suggest you ditch the noun and go for the verb: Expecting. That is making more and more sense to me. Expectation sets you up for failure; expecting opens you up.

Yes, I just plagiarized my own comment on my previous post. I have noticed lately that unopened messages produce their own kind of stress in me. I have been feeling overwhelmed so am back on 50% sick leave (had tried to reduce to 30%). It just doesn't take much to get me worked up, and it doesn't feel like excitement or anticipation. It feels like dread. So not good.

The thing is, it's just the mind playing tricks. Because every single message or email I opened was harmless. Utterly harmless. Nothing overwhelming or negative or difficult. Just a message.

There are a variety of techniques for dealing with stuff, some physical (like taking deep breaths), some more mental (like saying you're safe as long as you're breathing). I have been trying to meditate, unguided, silent, blank. And of course my mind wants to fill the space. That's what minds do. So I have to gently shove the thoughts aside but the process itself has led to some discoveries.

Like when Taylor Swift's "Blank Space" shows up because I said to myself I want to focus on a blank space. I said to my mind I'd share that later. And that wording gave listening to music a whole new level. It made a two-way street. "I'll listen later" is one-way. All about me, the listener, and the music is just an object. But "I'll share later" seems to acknowledges the original effort of the musicians. They aren't next to me now, but "sharing" creates a more active form of listening; the music becomes a bridge. This could, of course, just be wordplay, but I like it.

Anyway, back to messages. The Universe has been deliberately setting me up, to force me to learn to think differently. 

My 50% sick leave started with 3 days of 100% (that overwhelmed thing). I texted my team leader at work twice on Friday: Once to tell her I was off sick, and later to tell her I would be back at 50% and what schedule would work for her? I got no reply on Friday and the back of my mind was sure I'd pissed her off in some way. 

Sunday I was set meet a friend for coffee, a most reliable friend. If he says he's picking me up at 1 pm, he's picking me up at 1 pm. He usually texts me to let me know he's in the parking lot. But I got no text, and immediately entertained the idea that he had driven off the road and was dead somewhere. After telling myself I'd survive losing him and I was also being utterly ridiculous, I texted "Did we have a date at 1?" and waited for a message back that didn't come.

That's when I noticed that my birdfeeder had … a pair of blue tits! So far it's been mostly sparrows and one timid great tit (a young one so that's why; he hasn't learned yet). Blue tits! Cool!

My phone rang. My friend wondering why I wasn't meeting him in the parking lot. I hadn't got a text, I said, but I'm on my way. That was 1:04 pm.

Later on Sunday, I got my missing texts. The delayed text from my friend let me see the birds. Texts sent Friday from my team leader also showed up. All was well.

I just really need to stop assuming the worst. Or assuming at all.


A tit is what the bird is called in Europe. The North American cousin is called a chickadee. But saying great tit is great fun, ain't it. ;-)

Also, here's a video that explains fractals the way I wanted to explain it in my last post. :-)