2020 – a leap year

You know how the kitchen always ends up a mess when you cook, even if you’re one of the clean-as-you-go folks? There will be a delicious meal – and there will be splashes and spots and dirty dishes. 2019 was like that. I learned so much but it was a hard year.

2019 has left me with two words: Trust and self-care. I have to learn to trust the process and not worry or panic when something is new or unfamiliar. And I need to get better at self-care. I’ve already learned to say “no” quicker, to avoid panic, but there’s more to do in that area. I’ve made lists with good ideas for myself for self-care. Like, “Accept not-knowing as a legitimate state of being.”

I’ve changed in the last couple of years. I’m not sure if the change is permanent, but for the time being I am more introverted and less energetic than before. I’ve decided not to dwell on why or label it something like “old age”. Instead, I’m just going to live with this new me, get to know her, and see what gifts this new, more reserved personality will bring. There are some priorities, like not saying “no” to friends, but I notice I’m more silent; I listen more to what others say. I tell myself to let them talk, see where it goes. I learn more about others doing that. I may not be sharing much of myself in such situations, but I expect that that will also depend on the situation.

I also have a sense of loss. I miss who I used to be. But I know I can’t go back. I can only go forward. Time will tell how this journey will go.

Today is New Year’s Day, a peaceful day where I’ve been going over ideas I’ve had, planning my budget for 2020, rebooting my blog, watching the New Year’s concert live from Vienna.

As I start a new year and with it a new calendar, I think the most important step to self-care is to truly take one day at a time and focus on making each day in itself a good day. I’m not the first to say this; so many others have before me. But sometimes good advice cannot be heard until nothing else works.

May this new year take a leap towards greater peace and joy!