So, I dropped off the face of the Earth—no, I didn’t, just dropped off my blogging. The autumn got rough. Maybe a lot of bad weather during the summer was a part of it. Maybe it was astrological.
I had a stressful fall. Maybe I gave myself a stressful fall. Seriously, I drive myself nuts sometimes. I had a trip to Oslo in October, to attend some lectures for a college course (studying insurance), and instead of enjoying traveling (because I do), I gave myself three nights of sleepnessness and “stage-fright” bowels and why did I do that to myself? I know how to travel alone. I know how to be in a hotel room. I know how to take public transportation. But I found myself totally fixated on that last, as if I would miss my train/bus/metro whatever even though the stop was around the corner from the hotel and the metro ran all the time. Sheesh.
I did have nice weather, had some great meals out (a waiter at Bacchus by the cathedral conspiratorialy told me the day’s specials in my ear and I was rather charmed by that; also fell in love with Max, a Swedish chain of healthy burger joints, also right around the corner from my hotel) and enjoyed the huge, modern buildings that make up the business school campus I visited each day.
But I think I have to see my anxiety (?—not really familiar with that sort of thing) in October as related to my stress levels in September, where some aspects of work had me, after the wonderful slowness of summer where we got all caught up and lived stress-free, feeling like nothing I did was good enough. One morning, as I went to open my front door to go to work, I started to cry.
Huge warning signal. So I called in sick, I called my boss, and she was absolutely lovely and supportive. She let me do other things in September and in October sent me to an IT department to help do beta testing.
So that’s what I’ve been doing for the past nearly 4 months. Helping my company troubleshoot changes in our systems to accommodate new legal requirements.
The days and weeks have flown by. That’s the good part about it. My energy and desire for working overtime a lot has not been so good. So I don’t know if this is something I’d want on a permanent basis but it has made me realize that I have to start making changes. I need to find a better way to handle my stress and I need to find a different way to approach my job—or even get another job.
I am feeling more energized again. More willing and able to actually give all this some thought, to start to put together some future plans. I could feel a definite psychological change when Saturn moved from Sagittarius (where it does not feel at home, at all) into its own sign of Capricorn. And for me, personally, that meant it finally left the part of my horoscope where it was creating all kinds of hidden stressors, and internal conflicts. I remember 29 years ago, the last time, and it wasn’t that bad this time, but it was there. Oh, yes. Saturn speaks loudly to me.
Weirdly, I took an exam (in said insurance course) and felt so on top of things that day. I was actually proud of myself. I did things I don’t normally do, like read all the questions first, to see if any were the kind I knew I’d need time for, then started. I felt really grown-up right then.
I also attended a ceremony for new Norwegian citizens. The county I live in hosts these ceremonies in beautiful Håkonshallen twice a year. I was moved by the occasion—and proud.
Now I’m in for a lot of Capricorn but out in the open. About me, myself and I but consciously, rather than subconsciously. Saturn will be joining Pluto as they both travel through the sign, hitting my own planets in Capricorn.
So far, it’s all good. I’ve started doing a wee more exercise (working on Sagittarian things like butt and muscles, using Capricorn things like knees and bones), and I’ve started doing a wee more housekeeping. I finally found someone (else) who speaks my language, even though Capricornian FlyLady also helped. So combining that with an app that simply lets me mark of an X each day, Seinfeld-don’t-break-the-chain style, and my home is tidier and more under control, but it still needs a good spring cleaning. Later.
Next on my agenda is a day off from work, in spite of a looming deadline with the beta testing, to renunciate my US citizenship. I am required to show up in person and the US embassy gave me an appointment for this Tuesday. There will be butterflies, since I’m going to a US embassy I have never been to before (partly because they built a new one a couple of years ago, and partly because I’ve never needed to go). It’ll take all day because that’s just the nature of things: Getting to and from airports, to and from the embassy, and allowing time for a one-hour appointment that might be two.
And that will be another blog post, I’m sure.